my bad day.

Writer's Block: Open Arms

2009-01-21T14:21:42Z

Have you ever spontaneously hugged someone you didn't know? Or received an unexpected embrace from a stranger?

On the way home from winter break this year, I saw a girl a few years older than me crying in the train station. She was just leaning against the wall, hysterical. I just couldn't walk past her without saying anything, so I asked her what was wrong. She went into this whole long story about how she was fourteen dollars short for train fare and she just wanted to see her baby.

She really broke my heart. The first thing I thought was, "She'll probably just use this money for drugs." But when I looked at her, I realized that it didn't really matter what the money was for. I come from a family with a history of addictive behavior, and I realized what I would want someone to do if they walked by my aunt crying in a train station.

I gave her the five singles I had in my wallet and hugged her. She just cried harder, but she was so thankful.

I'm not a hugger - at all - but I knew she really needed one.

i make a really bad adult.

2009-01-08T04:08:20Z

how many times am i going to put my hand on the stove before i realize it FUCKING BURNS???

mybadday @ 2008-12-01T22:00:00

2008-12-02T03:01:14Z

Hey, anyone remember back when I used to be fun? And I had lots of sex? And even more funny stories?

Huh. Me neither.

mybadday @ 2008-09-15T11:40:00

2008-09-15T15:41:35Z

I went to sign in to this journal at the computer lab so I could read my friends page, and I forgot my username.

Either this means I smoke too much weed, or I just never use this thing anymore.

022. Fucking... fuck you, Enya.

2008-02-12T01:01:27Z

YOU ARE PLAYING A PURE MOODS CD RIGHT NOW. DON'T EVER WONDER WHY WE AREN'T FRIENDS.

021. Thank you, Superbad, for bringing Goldschläger into my life.

2008-02-10T23:40:50Z

Delicious night last night. Chi Phi chapter at MIT, the quad salutes you. Free alcohol, hot music, and a coat check. After sticking my coat in the refrigerator of the last frat house I went to, coat checks just seem so much more fabulous.

BRUCE! slept over last night. He is freaking out because he thinks having a long-distance girlfriend is too hard. I say, if you find a person you love, then you owe it to yourself to tough it out. Good love is hard to find. So we just talked about that and fell asleep in our clothes.

Inventory of the quad after the past weekend of drinks and debauchery:
- 16 empty cans of beer.
- A pair of boys' slip-on Vans
- A Mets fitted hat, which I wore last night.
- A hat from an obscure college in New Hampshire. We think this belongs to a boy named Tyler, who likes to be called Tito, who I began calling 'Tits.'
- A tupperware full of ashes. We smoked both nights, so this technically makes sense, but it was in the second drawer of my desk. The drawer is six inches away from the garbage can. Was I saving them for something?
- A bagel bite with one bite missing. To whoever did this: put the whole thing in your mouth next time.

020. She's a bitch, she's a big fat bitch, she's the biggest bitch in the whole wide world!

2008-02-09T20:56:16Z

I thought of opening up Photoshop today, picking out a picture, thinking of something nasty to write, and making a bumper sticker about you. But then I realized that making a bumper sticker about someone is completely lame, only you would take the time to do it.

Oh, and your best friend is just mad because her ex-boyfriend wants to fuck me. But don't worry, he's safe. I wouldn't dream of even touching anything that's been near her.

Wear the hate on your sleeve. It's your best accessory.

019. Who needs an eating disorder when you can lose your appetite from stress?

2008-02-06T18:43:48Z

My roommate recently thanked me for introducing her to my awesome diet. I lost ten pounds in college while everybody else gained. How do I stay so skinny, you ask?

Well, first I get up too late to eat breakfast in the morning and I end up running to class. Then, when class is over, I think about all the things I have to do that day. This usually nauseates me, causing food to be the furthest thing from my mind. Also, in making this mental list, I frequently realize that I have no time to eat. Starbucks is my friend. I get the largest cup of coffee possible (preferably iced) and make it with skim milk and Splenda (because back when I used to eat, I liked to take shortcuts on the coffee to skip the fat). I then go sit in the library for six hours or, better yet, go to work and stand on my feet for eight hours after classes let out. When I get home at night, I'll eat a mini bag of Fritos while I'm finishing up my homework because that's all that I have in my room.

For an added effect, start a steady intake of Red Bull and cigarettes. You'll look run down as hell, but skinny, yes.

018. Ways to not get fucked.

2008-02-05T05:32:43Z

Myth #1: Saying I have beautiful eyes will get you fucked.
Fact: My eyes are, without the assistance of makeup, piss-colored. I debated finding another color match, for the sake of not being excessively vulgar, but since this is a list of ways not to get fucked, I felt the point was moot. Seriously though, this is so generic. Even if you didn't say this to me, and tried it on my roommate, it's still not going to work. And no, I don't want to let you see them in a better light. That better light is upstairs and you will expect at least a handjob, which I can assure you isn't going to happen.

Myth #2: Keeping my beer cup filled will get you fucked.
Fact: While I can see the chivalry in this gesture, I'm also confident that you won't get me intoxicated enough to get naked. Why? Because I'm Irish, and with the off-kilter sense of humor and hot temper comes the gift of tolerance. At 130 lbs., I can still pack away at least ten. Also, I'm pretty sure that if you do this, you are one step away from being a date rapist.

Myth #3: Letting me talk about football will get you fucked.
Fact: We're in Boston and I'm a Giants fan. I realize you are doing me a service by letting me preach the gospel of Eli. But boys, realize that with this competence of sports comes an inherent knowledge of males. You are nodding along, laughing at all the right places, and for that I commend you. But no, this alone will not get you fucked.

Myth #4: Being nice to my friends will get you fucked.
Fact: This one is actually half true. While you will have to be quite good looking and probably buy me dinner first, I'm a sucker for a guy who does well with chicks.

Myth #4: After being rejected by me, hitting on my friends might get you fucked.
Fact: By the time you catch one of them, we will have already been laughing at you for five minutes. In fact, we were laughing at you as you walked up. But for the sake of our entertainment, please test this myth yourself.

Myth #5: Acting like I don't know what you want when you ask me to "watch a movie" will get you fucked.
Fact: I lost my virginity to Star Wars. Been down this road already. This tactic is, unfortunately, a one-trick pony. The following movie options have been followed by frequent fuck rejections: Wedding Crashers, Anchorman, Lord of the Rings, Goodfellas. Although you may have decent taste in movies, and I do love a good movie, at this point in my life I like a little pizazz.

This could be a much longer list, but that would require an lj-cut, and I am much too lazy for that. I know not all men are sleazebags, but I have quite a bit of experience in the field. Fear not, college males of America, there are many ways to get in my pants. Unfortunately, most of you will choose to take the beaten (and ultimately unsuccessful) path to sweet, sweet lovin'.

017. GIANTS = SUPERBOWL XLII CHAMPS!!!!!!!

2008-02-04T03:07:39Z

Wow, the Patriots must feel like chumps.

A perfect season, and then they get trumped by the underdog.

BOOYA, GIANTS! <33333333333

016. I just ate a Little Debbie brownie and 3/4 a quart of milk. My stomach fucking hurts.

2008-02-01T05:45:16Z

My roommate just suggested grabbing a book and reading it without scanning the back. Basically judge a book by its cover. I'm going to try that.

015. Ctrl+V Memories

2008-01-28T00:40:53Z

"But everyone seemed to understand that Heath had something special and that we had to capture it before it disappeared."

This is what entered into my address bar when I hit Ctrl-V. Christopher Nolan said it best out of all the people who commented on Heath Ledger.

014. A little optimism

2008-01-22T04:36:29Z

Tom Brady in foot cast!

I know it's bad sportsmanship to get glee from an opponent's injury, especially if that opponent is one hot bitch, but... I love my Giants with all my little Long Island heart.

013. The 13th grade.

2008-01-22T04:00:54Z

I just lent my friend some crayons so he could do his homework. I'm in college.

012. Underdogs FTW.

2008-01-21T05:46:04Z

Mm, Giants.

011.

2008-01-20T23:38:31Z

Just so you know, it's really awkward for me when you try to tell me you didn't hook up with anyone else this weekend. Your adamance is all well and good, but I saw you. With my own eyes. So just stop.

009. Two orders of steak tacquitos and a medium Cherry Pepsi

2008-01-18T18:51:32Z

If anyone reading this is in the Boston area and would like to deliver me some Taco Bell, just give me a call (631-365-1463).

008. The one with no title.

2008-01-10T07:01:28Z

God bless a boy who makes lighting a bong charming. "Smooth" is an underrated quality.

P.S. Those tears better have been real, Hillary, or else you just made an ass out of every woman in New Hampshire.

007. Wake me up

2008-01-08T05:59:38Z

You know, just for old times' sake, I wouldn't mind hearing you tap on my basement window.

006. and the cops said, are you trying to kill yourself? and i said nah, i'm just trying to party.

2008-01-07T02:13:11Z

Saturday night, 1:30 a.m.: I'm laying on Billy's bed in a pair of jungle green pajama pants that have jumping reindeer on them. The ceiling is spinning from one bong-hit too many and Sleepy Hollow is running in the background.

phone rings.

hey its john
hey man whats up
wanna smoke?
imsohighigotnomoneyicant... ok sure
i'll be at your house in ten minutes,
as soon as my french bread pizza is done.

a half an hour later, 2 a.m.

call a guy.
what guy?
any guy.

heymanwhatsupcanigetabag?
nah man, i'm dry.

heymanwhatsupcanigetabag?
nah man, my mom's home.

jenn, let me call someone.

heymanwhatsupcanigetabag?
yeah but... i need a favor.

ninety minutes later, after driving a drug dealer's girlfriend to massapequa, stopping to get a cheese danish from 7-11, and rolling a fatty with my new friend joe, who sells drugs and pours his heart out to burnt out blondes. 3:30 a.m.

... so then i dropped fourteen zanax laced with pcp. they put me in a straight jacket but i kept breaking out. fuckin' pigs.
anyway, you guys wanna buy some guns?

marijuana isn't a gateway drug, but your dealer could be instrumental in transforming you into an AK-47-wielding maniac. who knew?

005. The only real question is which Hepburn you prefer.

2008-01-05T04:59:04Z

Some Friday nights are made for watching classic movies. Whenever I fight with my mother, get dumped by a boyfriend, feel sick of drinking excessively, the only solution is curl up in bed with ratty hair and runny makeup and watch something fantastic. Not just fantastic, but old, too. Black and white, if I can help it. Brittany, my best friend, thinks watching old movies because they're old is gratuitous, but she just doesn't see it the way I do.

If I wanted to see reality, the real fuckedupness that happens every day, I'd look out the window. It's everywhere. In a good classic movie though, it's all diamonds and cigarettes and wine in highball glasses and how do you do?s. After feeling particularly shitty today about failing my road test, being flat broke and still torturing myself by window shopping, and the stand-up routine that is my sex life, nothing hit the spot quite like Holiday with two of my absolute favorites, Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn (although she's not my #1 Hepburn). If you're feeling a little lonely because it's raining out or you got stood up, try a little Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Old movies are all the fun on the Friday night with none of the headache or missing underwear the morning after.

004. I did love the typewriter noises, though.

2008-01-02T04:51:22Z

The first time I saw Atonement, I was craving an epic love story. I wanted some Casablanca, maybe a little The Way We Were, possibly even a hint of The Notebook. It never occurred to me that the title itself should have suggested that this wasn't about the lovers, but about the girl who fucked it all up. Now I really want to re-watch it with the new epiphany in mind, but it's not playing in the cheapie theater, the one where you can see any movie you want for four dollars as long as it's before five. I'm not paying $10.25 just to see if it actually sucked as much as I thought, or if my needing a good cry the first time around got in the way of its actual quality.

003. Egg sandwiches & Sweeney Todd

2008-01-01T22:54:22Z

If you're looking for a good place to be alone, the first showing of a movie on New Year's Day is an excellent choice.

Resolutions? Write more, smoke less.

002. what it feels like for a girl

2007-12-30T18:45:58Z

No walks by the Charles by myself. No pulling over to pick up a boy with nothing but a backpack and his thumb in the air. No "Hey, how are you?" to the man in a poncho sleeping with his back against a building. No brush against his wrist while he tells me a story without an unwarranted reaction. No third slice of pizza. No late night drives to the beach to sit on the lifeguard stand. No sex with the guy who makes my coffee just to see what it's like. No cigarettes without hearing my boyfriend sigh. No jokes at other peoples' expense. No laughing too loudly.

Sometimes when I'm by myself I think of all the things I've been told not to do because I'm a girl.

001. text message confessions

2007-12-29T06:08:49Z

sometimes listening is so much easier than talking.